Right now I don’t know what to feel. My bed feels too big, my arms too empty and my head too full with everything I wish I could say to you and to everyone else. There’s no way to say this to you but I want you here right now, your arms wrapped around me as I sink further and further into you because there’s something in the way you held me that day that made me feel like it was okay not to be okay and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like that again. I just really wanna cuddle into you, pull the covers up to our chins and watch Disney movies until two in the morning together because we can. I want the room to smell like vanilla candles and the sheets to smell like you. I wanna eat chocolate and drink tea in bed to kids movies. I wanna know the first movie you ever watched, your hometown and the way you laugh at my bad jokes. I want to fall asleep on your chest in our underwear, your heartbeat lulling me to sleep because to remind me that you’re okay, your arm wrapped over my middle, anchoring us together. I wanna feel the sheets get caught around us, half on the floor, half over us. I wanna feel you steal the covers and then let me back under them, kissing the top of my head and rubbing the tip of your nose against mine. I wanna let you play with my hair and mess yours up. I wanna feel like I’m drowning in your eyes, your hand cradling my cheek, thumb brushing over my cheekbone. I wanna let the world slip away for a few hours as we napped together. I wanna wake up next to you, watching your eyes flutter open the same way I watched sleep claim you slowly a few hours before. I wanna see your lazy smile and your messy bed hair. I wanna see sleepy eyes and feel you hold me a little bit tighter. I wanna feel this once. Just once and I could be happy.